Quotes - In Dilbert-Type
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists:
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1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)
2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)
3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)
5. "Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
6. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)
7. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CEO of Dell Computers)
8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)
9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)
10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)
11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards.)
After lunch thoughts
What business makes $$$ under this SARS attack ?
Pharmaceutical it seems. But the situation is not as simple. High demand coming in to order anti-virus drugs, but the company runs out of raw material. Urgent need to find source of raw material, but where to get it ? Starting to be afraid of the phone ring, got call from my boss every 2 hr asking for news. But I still haven't got any quotation from the supplier, and very unfortunately, it's the only supplier which has the licence to import that particular material. They also run out of stock, which means, material price will probably be sky high, and we need to wait for some time before we can get the raw material. *sigh* With immediate demand and no supply, can't make any profits. *sigh*
Joke
Harry is 65 and having some prostate problems. After examining him, the doctor gives him a specimen jar and says "Take this home with you, and try to produce a semen specimen. Stop by tomorrow and drop it off so I can run a few tests."
Harry takes the jar and heads home. The next day Harry comes in and asks to speak with the doctor. When he is taken into the office, the doctor asks how he made out. "Not good, Doc." Says Harry. "I went home and tried to do what you said. I tried with my right hand 'til it was cramped from the arthritis....no luck. I tried with my left hand, until I had blisters.... no luck. I asked my wife to help me out, so she tried with her left hand and with her right hand.... no luck. She even tried with her mouth. She tried with her teeth in, and she tried with her teeth out.... no luck.
Then we called Edna, next door, to see if she could help...."
"Good Grief man!" exclaimed the doctor, "You asked your neighbor to help you?"
"Yep." says Harry, "None of us could get the lid off that jar."
Funny Mr Boomba Flash
This is more funny ! Enjoy it !
BoLiao Flash
Click
here to enjoy.
Atypical Pneumonia
Just realise that one type of drug that produced by my company actually can help to cure atypical pneumonia... *hmmmm*....
Big market opportunity.....
The Late Night Show(s)
"President Bush announced tonight that he believes in democracy and that democracy can exist in Iraq.They can have a strong economy, they can have a good health care plan, and they can have a free and fair voting. Iraq? We can't even get this in Florida." - Jay Leno
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"President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I'm thinking, well, hell, he didn't need the approval of the American voters to become president, either." - David Letterman
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"In a speech earlier today President Bush said if Iraq gets rid of Saddam Hussein, he will help the Iraqi people with food, medicine, supplies, housing, education - anything that's needed. Isn't that amazing? He finally comes up with a domestic agenda - and it's for Iraq. Maybe we could bring that here if it works out." - Jay Leno
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"War continues in Iraq. They're calling it Operation Iraqi Freedom. They were going to call it Operation Iraqi Liberation until they realized that spells 'OIL.'" - Jay Leno
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"CNN said that after the war, there is a plan to divide Iraq into three parts ... regular, premium and unleaded." - Jay Leno
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"Iraq began destroying those missiles they don't have over the weekend. See, President Bush may be the smartest military president in history. First,he gets Iraq to destroy all of their own weapons. Then he declares war." - Jay Leno
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"New rumors that Saddam Hussein is planning to flee to a castle in Libya with 10 billion dollars. Now President Bush doesn't know whether to nuke him or give him a tax cut." - Craig Kilborn
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"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - It's in North Korea." - Jon Stewart
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"Saddam Hussein has told his people that U.S. troops will commit suicide when they get to the gates of Baghdad. That's when you know you have a bad army, when your only hope for victory is that the enemy's troops kill themselves." - Jay Leno
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"As we head to war with Iraq, President Bush wants to make one thing clear: This war is not about oil, it's about gasoline." - Jay Leno
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"In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word peace. Right idea, wrong president." - Jay Leno
